Blame it on RN's

My friend in high school left on Saturday to study Nursing in Philippines. When she told me six months ago, my feelings were mixed. A part of me is happy for her and a part of me is sad because my friend is leaving me again. I know years pass by quickly. In a few years, I will gain my friend back. Soon, she will be done in school and be back in California. As for now, I am somewhat grieving inside. The person whom I can call at anytime about anything is gone. My friend whom I tell my deepest secret, share my emotions, propose my future plans lives thousands of miles away. To her I rave, rant, and complain. I talk about school, politics, work, environment, family, culture, beliefs, and traditions. Now, I stand alone missing one friend.

Because I miss my friend, I think I am transfering my emotions on dinky person. I dont see him anymore. His disappearance makes me miss him. I long for him more each day although I know I do not have any tolerance to put up with his childish behavior. I blame him for not showing his ugly @$$. Where is he when I need him? Why cant he ask me about my life like he used to? Why cant he simply say hi like how it used to be? Why cant he be a man and fix relationship issues between us? Why cant he work out his feelings/emotions/issues/stressors/problems with me, not with his friends? Why cant he know his self with me so I can know my self with him? Why cant we be together as a couple? Why cant he be brave enough and express his feeling to me? Why cant he tell me he loves me?

All of my personal issues effects my mom. I cant talk to her. I have become short tempered. I cant tell her how I feel. What I want to happen is for her to ask me how I feel. I want her to start the conversation. I need her emotional support. I need her to take my side. I want her to comfort me and be with me. I am not trying to be selfish and self-centered. I want to be acknowledged. I want to be understood, but I feel like I am disregarded.