Reinventing my love

I want to spend some time and reflect on what brought me to Pasadena, CA. In my senior year in undergraduate school, I know I wanted to pursue my Master in Divinity. I looked at different seminaries and only one school stood out as the most practical decision. Fuller Seminary is in Southern California. It is a multidenominational, evangelical, and multiethnic community. It has three schools: School of Theology, School of Psychology, and School of Intercultural Studies. I am drawn to its environmental and academic factors that make Fuller Seminary an inviting place for me to spend three years of my life.

Let me tell you what I have learned at Fuller so far. I have learned something about love. Fuller statement says that it exists to “strive for excellence in the service of Jesus Christ, under the guidance and the power of the Holy Spirit, to the glory of the Father.” I have always wanted to serve in the ministry. I imagine as I walk hand in hand with other believers as a disciple of Christ, I want to be led and guided by the Holy Spirit. In everything that I do, all glory and honor belongs to my Creator, my Father in heaven.

How do I love? I have reinvented my love for ministry. I know a woman has her place to serve in church. A woman is strong yet emotional; she is precise yet elaborate; she is caring yet structured and organized. The church needs both genders for its survival. It thrives in a leadership environment where two different personalities complement each other. I humbly come to terms that my place as an educated Pentecostal female minority minister is needed in an area where I can share my experience and knowledge with other members of the church, who are open to academic and scholarly work. Finding my niche in church helps me fall in love with God’s people all over again.

At Fuller, I have fallen in love with a special person. Or should I say pseudo in love? Helen Fisher, a Rutgers University professor, claims five factors why human beings fall in love. They are timing, proximity, mystery, love map, and complementary brain system. Before coming to Fuller, the Lord only knows how I have prayed for a special person in my life. Indeed, I meet him on campus. His Midwestern spirit fulfills my prayers, hopes, and dreams. He completes most of the qualities I am looking for in a guy. Although he is a right-brainer, athletic, educated, loving, and a caring person, there are some drawbacks such as his age, lifestyle, and upbringing. Pseudo in love is what I call it. I have fallen in love but unable to commit with him for the fear that someone older, wiser, and more mature might come.

How has the things I learned about love affect how I live my life. I have to accept my life as it is. I am who I am. I have to make a decision and choose where and how I want to spend my life. I feel SoCal has always invited me to stay here. I have accepted its invitation. I love everything that best describe SoCal, especially its culture and lifestyle. I have improved my discernment skill in deciding what church is best for me. As of my pseudo love, I have learned to wait and let God’s divine guidance and perfect timing show me who he has appointed for me to marry.