Thursday, May 10, 2007

Praying, wishing, hoping

Perhaps the chronology is correct in this song. The order in which a person waits for a significant other to come into one's life begins with a prayer. Communication with God is an important element in a believer's spiritual journey. Prayer changes things. King Hezekiah asked the Lord to prolong his life after finding out that he has a terminal illness. The Lord granted his prayers, for he is good and kind to those who believe in him. I can imagine the king getting on his knees everyday begging God for an extension of his life.

In some respect, asking for a significant other is a way of prolonging one's life. Having a partner, although quite stressful at times, can be very rewarding. I am looking forward to sharing my dreams, desires, opinions, thoughts, and feelings with the one whom the Lord has ordained for me to spend the rest of my life.

I can imagine the King wishing to be with the people he loves. This is not any different from my situation. I would love to be with the people I care. Specifically, I would not want to leave my significant other. Vice versa, his presence is enough for me to sustain daily tension and stress. This is what I wish for. I wish for a person who wishes to be with me. I am talking about a long term partnership.

But, my wait has existed for a long time. It seems like dinky person would not risk to ask me out on a date. I understand his fear. If I was right about my assumptions, I would tell him that he is not the only one who struggles with fear. I am afraid of conflicts and misunderstandings. I could not handle having conflicts with the person I deeply care for. My heart races so fast and I loose my mind when I am trying so hard to understand him but I could not put words to his actions.

There is fear, but there is hope. Would I continue to suffer the pain fear has caused in my heart? Would I be able to turn my back and walk towards the opposite direction. Or perhaps, it does not have to be the opposite face but on a different angle. A slight twitch from what I have imagined is my next option. Is my journey a time of molding and transforming into a different individual? Am a heading towards a positive direction? Am I sensitive to the guidance of the Holy Spirit?

As I leave everything in the hands of God, I am given an unfettered hope. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I do not say that I have already seen the light. This is why I have hope. I know there is light. I know I am safe in the dark. I know I can trust in the Lord. Marriage is an opportunity to change my future generation. My children and my children's children are more important to me than any of my past achievements. I am focused to have a positive and thriving future, committed to the service in the Lord. Hope is all I have got. It keeps me up in the morning, helps me survive my day, and pushes me to look forward for tomorrow.

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